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Out Of This World/Script
is at work when a cute guy walks past. She smiles at him and giggles. Jen walks up. Jen: "Hey. Cute earrings." Caitlin: "I know, right? Plus they're total hunk magnets." cute guy walks past and smiles at her. Jen: "Maybe I should get a pair. Ever since Travis and I broke up, it's like I'm invisible to guys." Caitlin: "Classic post-breakup syndrome. You have to stop moping and get back on that dating horse." Jen: "I'm not sure I'm ready for a horse just yet. Could it be a dating pony?" blender squeals. Caitlin: "Ew. It's making that sound again." takes the lid off and looks inside. Her earring falls off into the blender just as she tests it again. Caitlin: "No! My earring!" Jen: "Your blender!" blender has burned out. Caitlin: "What do I do?" Jen: "Well you better tell your boss. His number's on the emergency contact list." picks up her phone and makes the call. Big Steve: "What?!?" Caitlin: "H-hi. It's Caitlin from the Big Squeeze? The blender's kind of broken." Big Steve: "What? That thing's state-of-the-art! How the heck can you jivvy a maffibina–whatever did it break?!?" Caitlin: "Uh, natural wear and tear? So can you buy another one?" Big Steve: "Tchah! I ain't made o' money, missy! Fix it or yer fired!" hangs up. Caitlin: scared "I could get fired? How will I shop?" Jen: "And how will we hang? If you're not working here, we could lose our table! Our beautiful table!" Caitlin: "Wait! There's a mall repair hotline." calls the number. Repairman: "Mall repair hotline." Caitlin: "Hello?" Repairman: "Hello." Caitlin: "I've got an urgent repair at the Big Squeeze." Repairman: "Be right there." Caitlin: "Really? Great!" Jen "The repair guy's already in the food court. They're gonna page him now." few feet away, a pager beeps. Caitlin and Jen look over and see a ruggedly handsome young man with a tool belt. He walks over to the giant lemon while Jen and Caitlin stare in stunned surprise. Handy Stud: "You need a blender fixed?" Caitlin: "Yeah. But it's kind of messy, so you better take your shirt off." repairman nods assent and removes his shirt. Caitlin and Jen gasp when they see his ripped body. Jen: breathless "He's so hot!" Jen and Caitlin: "And so mine." shocked "What?" ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Out of this World' ---- ''and Nikki are drinking coffees by the fountain when Jonesy comes by with a stack of papers. Jonesy: "Here you go, take one and pass it on!" Wyatt: at it "You want us to hand out your resumes?" Jonesy: "Papa needs a new gig fast. I'm down to my last five bucks but I owe certain people twenty." Nikki: "Certain people?" Jonesy: "I kind of bet Little Cody he couldn't eat a whole vat of seafood salad." Wyatt: "Are you nuts? That guy is huge!" Jonesy: "So was the vat!" his fingers slightly apart "He was this close to total spewage!" glides up, dressed as a giant alien bug. Jude: "Greetings, earth dudes." friends laugh. "Who is stoked to see the coolest 3-D movie of all time ever?!?" Jonesy: "You're kinda early. Blue Alien Vortex doesn't premiere till tomorrow." Jude: "Yeah, but if we want smokin' seats, we need to line up today, dudes!" Nikki: "It's just a dorky sci-fi movie." Wyatt: "First of all, it's in 3-D, so good seats are critical. Second of all, Blue Alien Vortex isn't dorky! Despite Jude's costume." Jonesy: "Seriously, man, only losers dress up like sci-fi characters." walks past. "I rest my case." Jude: "C'mon, bros. Relax and let your geek flags fly." Wyatt: "I–kinda wanna–date again someday?" Nikki: "Good call." Jude: "But you're still gonna line up with me, right dudes?" Jonesy: "You know it brother!" hi-five. Wyatt: "Gotta hit work. I'll be there later." trio head their separate ways, with only Jonesy pausing to peck Nikki's cheek. Jen and Caitlin walk up. Jen: "Nikki! We need your advice. We both really like the same guy." Caitlin: "I'm the one who called him over." Jen: "And I'm the one who really needs to get back on the dating horse." Nikki: "Whoa there, filly. Who's the guy?" Caitlin: dreamily "The mall repairman." Nikki: "Does he have a name?" Jen and Caitlin: "Um–" Jen: "Handy Stud." nods. Nikki: "This is so not worth fighting over!" Jen: "True. Caitlin should really back off." Caitlin: "Me? What about you?" Nikki: "Okay, okay. How about you make it a friendly competition? Whoever he asks out first gets him, fair and square." Jen: "No way! When it comes to flirting, we aren't exactly evenly matched." Caitlin: "That's true." Jen: "Aw!" Nikki: "So make ground rules, like, when you talk to him you can't use hint words, like date, go out, crush." Jen: "Ooh, and Caitlin can't do her eyelash flutter. No guy can resist that." Caitlin: "What?" Nikki: "She's right. To keep it fair, you have to wear sunglasses around him." Caitlin: "Then Jen can't talk about sports!" Jen: "What?" Nikki: "No fluttering, and no sports. Deal?" and Caitlin look at each other. Jen and Caitlin: "Deal." shake hands. ---- and Jonesy walk up and find a line ahead of them. Many in it are costumed. Jude: "Bummer, dude. I thought we were gonna be first in line." Jonesy: "No sweat. There's at least thirty seats in the 3-D sweet spot. We're golden." gasps. "Uh-oh! Little Cody! Hide me!" large blonde teenager with a buzz cut is scanning the line. He sees Jude, and Jude waves to him meekly. Giving up, Little Cody settles for bashing the first person in line on the head before leaving. Jude: "Dude looks angry, bro." Jonesy: out from under the costume "That's why I need a job, pronto!" around resumes "If you need help, I'm your human!" walks past carrying a gym bag. "Don't tell me you're gonna be standing behind us the whole time." Wayne: "Standing's for chumps." out a lawn chair "As for locale, you may lose your place in line, but nothing's moving me from this spot." Jude: "Sweet, dude! We're line buddies!" rolls his eyes. ---- is at work when her blender breaks again. Caitlin: "Oh no!" thinking "Although this does give me a reason to call the hotline. Eee!" makes the call. "Yeah, send the handy stud–handy man–back to the Big Squeeze." shocked "A few hours?!?" an idea "Where is he right now?" ---- and Jen walk into Wyatt's workplace. Nikki: "Have you seen the mall repairman?" Wyatt: "No. Why?" Jen: "Caitlin and I are competing to see who he'll ask out first. But I don't stand a chance." Nikki: "Not with that attitude you don't!" Wyatt: "C'mon. You have just as good a chance of winning him over." Jen: "You really think so?" Wyatt: "Sure, you know, unless Caitlin gets to him first." Jen: "Aw!" Nikki: "Wyatt!" Wyatt: "Shutting up now." ---- is using binoculars to try and find her target. Caitlin: "Where are you, Handy Stud?" repair guy is inside Frilly and Pink hanging up a picture. Handy Stud: "All done." walks out. Blue Dress Girl: him leave "Perfect. So perfect." her, the picture falls down and breaks. ready to make her appearance, puts on her sunglasses and walks over to the man. They bump into each other with a crash. Caitlin helps him up just as her friends, having heard the crash, look over. Nikki: "Is that Caitlin with Handy Stud?" Wyatt: "Want binoculars? Wayne uses them to–" air quotes "–hunt foxes." takes the binoculars and they look through them. Jen: "She must've fake-bumped into him! Is that even allowed?" Nikki: "Enh, well, we never made a rule against it." Caitlin: "I am so sorry! I can't see where I'm going in these things!" Handy Stud: "So–why are you wearing them?" Caitlin: "That is such a good question!" takes off her glasses and starts to bat her eyelashes before she realizes what she's doing. Caitlin: "You didn't see that!" Jen: it "Oh! Oh! That was way out of bounds!" Nikki: "Yep, she definitely fouled." realizing "Did I really just call a foul on an eyelash flutter?" phone rings. Chrissy: "Your break ended forty-five minutes ago!" Nikki: "Are you sure? 'Cause it feels like it just ended twenty minutes ago." Chrissy: "Get back here!" Nikki: up "Oh well. Duty calls. Later." angrily stares through the binoculars at Caitlin. Caitlin: "So..." Handy Stud: "Yeah. Bye." leaves. Jen: "Yes!" Caitlin: her "Is that Jen?" through her binoculars "With binoculars?!?" hides the binoculars. "Jen's spying on me? That is so low!" ---- is munching tortilla chips. Jude's stomach rumbles. Jude: "Tasty snackage, dude." Wayne: "Some of us came prepared." full "And no, I will not be sharing with you." Wyatt: up "Let the butt-numbing wait begin!" Jude: "Awesome timing, bro. I'm gonna go scrounge some vittles. Wanna come?" Wayne: "Beware! If all of you leave for any reason, your spot becomes my spot." Jonesy: "Pfft, dream on! A three-man crew means no way we will lose our place in line." Wayne: "We'll see." phone rings. Wyatt: "Hello? Oh hey Tim. But I just finished my shif–Wayne said what?!?" Wayne: "Told Tim Wyatt would do my shift. Guess that makes you a two-man crew." Wyatt: angry "I have to go back to work, thanks to you-know-who!" glares at Wayne as he leaves. Wayne: "All's fair in love and Vortex!" Jonesy: "Don't worry, we are so on this! Nothing could possibly go wrong." Jude: "Gotta make a taco run. You want in?" Jonesy: "Always." Jude: "In the immortal words of the Vortex Master, 'Ra-che-ca-ca, ren-hu-ma.'" leaves. Jonesy: relaxed "Ahh, good times." sees Little Cody. "Little Cody!" Wayne "Mind if I hide in your bag for a minute?" Wayne: "Um, let's see now. Hmm...nope." calling "Hey Cody! Over here! Yo! Hey!" Cody looks over. Jonesy: away "Not cool!" Wayne: waving "Toodle-oo." forward "Come to papa." ---- is at work folding clothes when Caitlin runs in. Caitlin: "Nikki! Jen is cheating! I caught her spying on me!" Nikki: "I guess that makes up for the eyelash flutter?" Caitlin: "She told you? This is why I need you to spy on her." Nikki: "What? No way! I'm just the referee." Caitlin: "Exactly. You should be the one to see her cheat and judge her for it." puppy eyes "Please, Nikki? Pwetty pwease?" bats her eyelashes. Nikki: "Ugh, not the puppy dog eyes! Fine. I'm in." Caitlin: "Eeee-hee-hee!" ---- walks up to the theater with a bag of tacos. Jonesy peers out from behind a pillar. Jonesy: "Psst! Jude! Is Little Cody gone?" Jude: around "All clear." Jonesy: a theater employee "My number's on the resume, call me!" and Jonesy walk up to Wayne. Jude: "Think you're in our spot, dude." Wayne: "Actually, this is my spot now? Your spot is back there." points a thumb to the end of the line. Jonesy: "Aw, man!" Jude: "We totally lost our pull position!" Jonesy: "Okay. We'll still get pretty good seats if we don't lose our spot again." Jude: "Not gonna happen, bro. Next time I get hungry, I'm ordering in." Jonesy: "What if you need to pee?" Jude: out a jar "Already thought of that." Jonesy: "Nice." ---- is standing in line when an usher walks up to him. Jonesy: "Yes! Whatever the job is, I'll take it! What's with the tape measure?" his legs measured "Aah!" Usher: "Confirming you'll fit into the official Blue Alien costume." Jonesy: "Whoa! No way am I dressing up like a nerdball loser!" Usher: "Hmph." stalks away. Jonesy: "There's gotta be some other job out there! Any other job!" ---- is at work. Jen: "Time to get proactive. Hmm..." sits on a shelf. "Okay..." on it "Come on!" tears it loose and lets it fall onto her as she lies down. "Help me! Somebody! Preferably someone handy! And hot! Aah!" Handy Stud: over "Hang on! We'll just–" it "–easily lift this not-heavy shelf?" Jen: "I–I–I mean, you saved me!" Handy Stud: "How did it break off the wall?" Jen: "Earthquake?" handyman starts work on fixing the shelf. A disguised Nikki peers out from behind a display. Jen: "So, have you always been so handy?" Handy Stud: "Guess." Jen: "Oh, you." tip of the handyman's drill falls off, and he gets up. Handy Stud: "Do you like sports?" Jen: "Why do you ask?" paranoid "Is this a test? Who put you up to it?" Handy Stud: "You work in a sports store." Jen: "Ah, right. Sorry, I just–I can't talk about it right now, doctor's orders?" handyman looks at her in disbelief, and Nikki slaps her forehead. This inadvertently topples the display. Jen: "Nikki! Did Caitlin send you?" Nikki: "Clearly I'm not cut out for spying." hammering sound is heard. The handyman has poorly hammered the shelf back on. Jen: "Eeeee!" Nikki: sarcastic "Oh yeah, he's so worth the trouble." ---- and Jonesy are eating tacos. Jude: burping "Blue." Jonesy: burping "Alien." Jude and Jonesy: burping "Vortex." laugh and hi-five. Wyatt walks up. Wyatt: "Aw, man! What happened? When I left, we were in front of Wayne!" Jonesy: "Don't blame me, blame–" scared "–Cody!" dives under Jude's costume. Jude: giggling "Could you move a little to the left?" Jonesy: "Ssh! Don't draw Cody's attention!" Wyatt: "I think he already saw you." Jonesy: "What makes you say that?" Wyatt: "He's standing right beside us?" Little Cody: "Where's my money?!?" Jonesy: squeaky "Just a second!" drizzling sound is heard, and then a zipper goes up. Jonesy crawls out and hands Jude the jar. Jonesy: Jude "Here you go." Little Cody "Oh, Cody, hi. I just need a little more time." Little Cody: "Twenty-four hours! Then I start clobbering!" Jonesy: scared "Then you leave me no choice." ---- night goes by, and all those in line sleep. Wayne has even brought a sleeping bag along. Strangely, Jonesy is not with his friends. Usher: a boom box "Good morning, alien lovers. Please welcome the Blue Alien Vortex Master!" has taken the job. Everyone cheers except for Wyatt, Wayne, and Jude, who laugh at him. Jonesy: "Not cool! So not cool!" ---- is making fun of Jonesy. Wayne: "Aw, Jonesy, why so blue?" laughs. Jonesy: "Go ahead, laugh it up. You won't be when we're sitting in the sweet spot." Wyatt: "What?" Jonesy: "Yep. I convinced the usher to reserve three seats smack dab in the center of the theater for us truly." Wyatt: "Nice!" Jude: "Gnarly!" Wayne: "No!" Jonesy: "I know. I'm great. Plus, I made enough up front to pay Cody back." Jude: "Jonester, you are the Vortex Master!" ---- starts her blender. Once again, it breaks. Nikki: "I thought Mr. Handy Stud fixed that." Caitlin: "I know. I called the hotline again, but they said he's booked all week! How am I supposed to snag him under these conditions?" Nikki: "I'd focus less on snagging studs and more on not getting fired." Caitlin: "One crisis at a time." Jen: suddenly "You sent Nikki to spy on me!" Caitlin: "Only 'cause you spied on me, cheater!" Jen: "Eyelash flutterer!" Nikki: "That's it. This competition is over." and Caitlin gasp. Jen: "Why?!?" Nikki: "You want to let some unhandy dud tear your friendship apart, fine. But you can do it without me. I quit." leaves. Jen: "So...do you think we should stop?" Caitlin: "Heck no, that stud is mine!" Jen: "Not if I see him first!" begins running through the mall. "Yoo-hoo! Handy? Henry? Whatever your name is?" Caitlin: the other way "Harry! Hayden! Where are you?" ---- sees Jude and Wyatt with the movie mascot and walks up to them. Nikki: "Hey guys, how's it goi–" turns around, and she begins laughing. Jonesy: "Great." Nikki: breathless "Sorry! Sorry sorry! Whoo! Okay. So, how's day two of the geek pride parade treating everyone?" Wyatt: "Great. We were just debating which Blue Alien is the coolest." Jude: "Gotta be Shamano, bro. He kills his enemies with one flick of the tongue." Wyatt: "But Rufoo can see through time." Nikki: "Geek speak. I'd rather watch Jen and Caitlin tear each other apart. Later." leaves. Jonesy: after her "Hey, tell 'em to bring it up here, nothing like a good chick fight!" Nerd: "Uh, that's disrespectful to women." Jonesy: "It's also the closest any of you pillow-kissers will get to a real live girl." Angry Guy: "Hey!" Disgruntled Guy: "What a jerk!" Annoyed Guy: "I had a girlfriend once!" Weird Guy: "Pillow hater!" Wyatt: "Maybe you should dial it down." Jonesy: "Relax, I'm the frickin' Vortex Master! What're they gonna do about it?" Wayne: "Oh usher!" usher steps up. "Your Vortex Master just insulted the entire lineup!" Usher: "What?" Jonesy: "Whoa! That's not what–we were having a friendly discussion about pillows!" Usher: "Gigantoplex employees respect our patrons. Give me those boots. You're fired. You'll have to get back in line like everyone else." Jonesy: "Dude!" Wyatt: "What?!?" Jude: "Nooo!!!" ---- rushes up to an older married couple. Jen: "Have you seen that repair guy? Henry? Heathcliff? Anyone?" Caitlin: "Harley! Hercules! Where are you?!?" handyman is at Spin This. He puts his hammer straight through the face of a Jason standee. Nerd Girl: "You are so good at that!" girls spot him at the same time. Jen rushes over to a clothing store and destroys some mannequins. Jen: waving "EEEE!" handyman looks at Jen oddly. Caitlin rushes over to a bookstore and overturns a book display. Caitlin: waving "EEEE!" handyman is now staring at her. Jen growls and picks up a coathanger that she flings through the plate-glass window of Albatross & Finch. An alarm goes off. Jen: "Oops." and Caitlin run. Nikki comes by and picks up the coathanger. Nikki: annoyed "Nice." ---- line has gotten much longer. Wyatt: dispirited "There won't be any good seats left by the time we get inside." Jude: "If only we had a bud at the front of the line to let us in." Jonesy: "We do know someone, but he's no bud." three look over to Wayne, who is shaving with a disposable razor. Wyatt: "Oh, no no no. No way am I asking Wayne for help!" Jonesy: "C'mon, man, if not for me, do it for Jude!" Jude forward "Look at this face. Do you really wanna see him cry?" Jude: puppy dog eyes "Only you can take us into the sweet spot." Wyatt: "You both owe me big time." Jonesy: "That's right, off you go." pushes Wyatt forward towards Wayne. When he gets there, Wyatt rolls his eyes and groans. Wayne: "Thought you might come crawling back." Wyatt: "Can we join you in line?" Wayne: "That, my friend, is gonna cost you. Say a week of my McFlipster shifts, minus my pay?" Wyatt: "What? You are pure evil!" Wayne: smug "Take it or leave it, fanboy." grudgingly beckons his friends forward. Jude: "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Par-tay!" Jonesy: "Okay. This time for real. None of us leaves this line no matter what." Wyatt: "Uh–I kinda have to pee." holds out the jar, which has some liquid in it. ---- handyman is walking through the mall when Caitlin and Jen accost him. Caitlin: "Wait up, handsome!" Jen: "Ignore her! I'm your gal!" Caitlin: "Oh yeah?" watches in amazement as Ron pulls up in his security cart. Ron: "Two twenty-seven! Desecration of Public Property! You sickos are coming with me!" pulls them away. Jen: "Aah! No!" Caitlin: driven to jail "Nikki! Help!" Nikki: "Don't worry! I'll bail you out!" a moment "Eventually." ---- guys have finally got their tickets and it's almost time for the movie to begin. Jonesy: with excitement "The doors are opening any minute now!" Wyatt: "3-D sweet spot, here we come!" hi-five. Nikki: up "Aw, look, the Dork Squad is bonding!" Jude: "Hey, bra. Can you do a solid and empty this out?" pulls out the jar. Nikki: "Sure. What's in it?" Jude: "Our pee." Nikki: "AAAHH!" flings it away. Jude: it "Whoa!" taps it to Wyatt. Wyatt: "No!" knocks it to Jonesy. Jonesy: "Yikes!" knocks the jar skyward just as Ron pulls up in his cart. Ron stops and looks up as the jar comes down, hits him on the head, and smashes. Wayne: "Wow." applauding "Bravo, guys, bravo." uniform now soaked in urine, sniffs the air and stands up. Ron: "Sweet baby Santa, why?" at the four friends "Do I need to say it?" walk towards the golf cart, heads down and shoulders slumped. Wayne: laughing "Oh, yeah!" ---- cell door slams shut between Jonesy, Jude, Wyatt, and Nikki as they enter Jen and Caitlin's cell. Jen: "Look, Nikki's here to bail us out!" sniffs the air. "Ooh, what's that smell?" Ron: "Nine seventy-eight. Flagrant Tossing of Urine." Jen and Caitlin: "Ew!" Ron: "You're not maggots, you're savages." Jude: "Jar wasn't supposed to break, dude." Caitlin: "So we're stuck in here? No one else better snag Hugh!" Jen: "Forget Horatio. What about the fact that the blender is still broken?" Caitlin: "I'm doomed." Jen: "Maybe if we work together we can fix the blender ourselves." Caitlin: "Really? Well we have to do it before Big Steve calls back, or I'm so fired!" Jonesy: "Fired? Man! I thought our day was bad!" Wyatt: "I just wanted to see Blue Alien Vortex. How did it go so wrong?" Ron: "My lady-friend's son wants to see that. But–sold out." friends look at each other. Jonesy: "Aww!" Ron "One-time offer. Let us out now and you can impress your lady-friend with three tix to the premiere. Going...going..." Ron: the cell door open "I'll take it." Wyatt: "Gone." girls rush out of the cell happily. The boys follow them despondently. Wyatt sighs. ---- boys are sitting around the table as the girls work on the blender. Wyatt: "So I slept on a floor overnight, peed in a jar, and promised to work all Wayne's shifts for free just so Ron could see Blue Alien Vortex?!?" Jonesy: "Okay. We missed the premiere, but so what? We can still enjoy the movie." Nerdy Guy: by and talking to his friend "And when Shibadoo killed the Vortex Master? Never saw that coming." table groans. Jude: "Come on!" Nikki: a manual "Step seven: insert motor into blender." Caitlin: "Motor!" hands it to Jen, who tries to jam it in. Jen: "I can't get it in!" Caitlin: "That's it then. I'm fired." Jen: "Wait wait wait. I see something. Tweezers." Caitlin: them from her purse "Tweezers!" Jen: them "Gotcha! Steady now..." pulls out the earring that originally broke the blender. Caitlin: "My earring! Eee-hee-hee!" Jen: the motor in "It fits!" Nikki: "Yeah, but does it work?" Caitlin: her fingers "Please work, please work..." turns the blender on. Jen: "Yes!" Caitlin: "Eee!" phone rings. Big Steve: "Hey, did yew fix ma blender or are yew fired?" Caitlin: "All fixed, boss! Not to worry." Big Steve: "Then stop yakkin' on the phone and get tew work!" hangs up. Caitlin: Jen "I swear I will never compete with you over a guy again." Jen: "Me neither." cute guy walks past. Caitlin: "He's all yours." Jen: "It's okay, you can have him. Seriously." Caitlin: "Take him. Because I don't want him." Jen: "No problem. Really, you can have him." Caitlin and Jen: "He's yours. He's yours." slaps her forehead in disgust. Category:Season 4